For Letitia

I have learned a lot about myself in the last month and a half or so. Lessons that I thought that I had already learned from previous losses. Lessons I didn't think I needed to be taught, again. Then my beautiful mother left this world and mine blew apart. Far further than I could ever have anticipated. I thought, at first that I could just take a little time, then pick up and carry on, much as usual. Ha! Laughs life, laughs fate. Turns out, what has been needed is not only time to grieve, to mourn, but to realign, to find my new axis. That process takes time, I am allowing it. Following the natural course I need to take to move forward and pick up. I'm feeling ready to take first steps, methinks.

Letitia Ellsworth was my mother. She was my kindred spirit, my touchstone, my best and closest friend. She was the one person who understood me like no one else, who knew me on a level that no other human being ever could or ever would. I miss her so much. Sometimes it is so strong that I can't breathe. Sometimes I forget... For a crazy moment... I pick up my phone, scroll through my contacts list and get excited to call my mom. Then I remember and am blown away, again. I think that I should delete the contact to remind myself, to move on but I can't bring myself to do it, yet.

Hoarders: Contact List Edition.

Did I just say that? Inappropriate. Yet, oddly therapeutic.

One of the things I wanted to do to honor my mother was a special manicure and post it here in my blog. My mother would actually come and read here, from time to time. Surprising as hell, if you knew my mother. While she had an appreciation of the girlier aspects of life, she was not into the whole get made up and polished thing. She had no use for beauty and polish blogs but she was proud of mine and would swing by, check up on my latest work and then gush at me. It made me feel good. Gobsmacked, but good.

For this manicure, I was inspired by my mother's love of garnets, her favorite gemstone. I tried a lot of different polish combinations on a nail wheel before I finally came up with a layering technique that I feel evokes the red of the stone and the fire deep within the facets of the stone.

I started with a coat of Cover Girl Glosstinis in Rogue Red, a coat of Color Club Snow-Flakes, then a coat of Cover Girl Glosstinis in Violet Flicker and Sation Garnet Red. Topped off with Seche Vite.

I was pretty happy with it and I think that Mother would have liked it, too.

I think that this layered combo looks kind of like garnets. The glass fleck in the Cover Girl polishes and the flakies in the Color Club Snow-Flakes look like facets and fire deep in the gemstone the Sation Garnet Red is a sheer jelly but pigmented enough that one coat topped the under layers, perfectly, giving that deep garnet colour yet letting the sparkly goodness shine through.

Okay, so. I think I'm back. I hope that you'll forgive the all over the place nature of this particular post. It isn't my usual fare.

Just click Publish, Erika. It's time.


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